February 10, 2010

Done - I'm done

After this and this and this and this - I'm done with this shit. It's not worth it - especially if this is the most thoughtful response I encounter.

I've all but bashed my head against a wall to get you to understand that part of the problem in this entire "discussion" has been the fact that you're treating me and my LIFE as a diversion to play with and not something real. You can't do it to save your goddamn life. Don't believe me? Try this:

  1. How many of you in the theatre blogosphere contacted me to see if I was OK after being exposed to some hate-mongering vitrol?
  2. How many of you in the theatre blogosphere asked me questions to better understand my experience of racism in the theatre community instead of, you know, doing what you always do and ignoring my humanity?
  3. How many of you have actually considered for a split microsecond that talking about this shit is hard enough to talk about as a person sharing a painful experience without experiencing further hurt by people doing the same shit that caused that pain in the first place?
  4. How many of you have attempted to imagine how bad racism must be if I'd rather open myself up to this shit by posting it on the internet instead of keeping it to myself because that's even worse?
  5. How many of you have noted the irony of this entire "discussion" - of talking about the idea of diversity in theatre and undoing the effects of institutional racism - while at the same time ignoring the personhood of a woman of color to make room for that discussion (you know, the very dynamic that Black people in America face every day)?

In case you were wondering: 0.

This is the most frustrating thing about dealing with Nice White People. They know the rhetoric, they know the jargon, and they can list sources like nobody's business. But when faced with a real person in a real situation, it's the same steaming pile of shit all over again.

Yet I keep trying, even though it hurts me every time I do it.

Something must be seriously fucking wrong with me.


  1. Bookmark all this shit so the next time they ask about the lack of diversity in theater or anywhere else, you can show them examples of what happens when POCs do the heavy lifting and make the effort and what happens to us in return.

  2. Oh please. Everybody all over the blogosphere has been writing about this and I've seen lots of condolences sent your way on this blog and others.

    I told you I was listening and asked what I could do to make the situation better. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? If you want to bitch about white people forever with no solutions or suggestions to improve anything then fine, but that's not going to make the situation any better for anybody.

  3. @joshcon80

    If you don't like what's being written here, why don't you step the fuck on off instead of derailing and disrespecting her space.

    You sure as hell aren't bringing any solutions with this bitchass of "I have white guilt about racism WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?!!!!!"

    "I told you I was listening and asked what I could do to make the situation better. "

    No what you did was talk down to her ass and did the same shit Garvey did.

    You clearly haven't been reading because she's been offering solutions and suggestions but this bullshit right here is the reason why nothing is getting done.

    But again, thanks for proving her point for her.

  4. Joshcon80, as a white person myself, I have to tell you that it isn't RVCBard's or any POC's job to give you constructive criticism on your racism, or offer up solutions. That kind of emotional heavy lifting needs to be done by YOU.

    Can you not see that your insistance that POC (and, notably, a WOC) TELL you what to do is part of the whole ugly problem? Apparently you can't think for yourself, or aren't willing to put in the effort to educate yourself. Why exactly is that anyone else's problem but your own? And to post this in a space where there are many posts on just this topic only proves that you aren't listening unless you're spoon-fed the kind of informational that you find palatable.

    Frankly, your comment here makes you sound like a spoiled brat.

  5. Joshcon80,

    Don't you have a cousin to go fuck or something?

  6. witchsistah: COLD!!! Then again I have a mean streak, so I'm still laughing.

  7. And as happens so often, a possibility for dialogue is stomped by people who would prefer to be a clique. Frankly, I am disgusted.

  8. OK, Scott.

    I give up.

    You and Josh and everyone else are absolutely right.

    I'm not saying anything important. Nothing I've posted these past few days is worth reading. I'm obviously not talking about something you don't already know. My main problem in life is simply that I'm just being hypersensitive and paranoid.

    I've learned my lesson, professor. I'm glad you set me straight since everything wrong that happened with this conversation is completely and totally my own doing.

    Thank you for showing me the error of my ways and teaching me that prioritizing my own well-being above someone else's comfort is naive, immature, stupid.

    Thank you.

    Now that I have to type this with tears streaming down my face, are you happy?

  9. "Now that I have to type this with tears streaming down my face, are you happy?"

    Oh, RVC. Damn those bastards, just damn them.

  10. I'm sorry Scott but where the fuck were you when RVC was getting cussed out and disrespected? Yet once again when minorities stand tall, yet we're the ones who are being mean, angry and militant.

    How dare we stand up for ourselves.

    Yeah folks are coming to her defense because:

    1. She's right.
    2. She's someone we deeply care about.

    And I sure as hell won't apologize for standing tall for her either.

  11. Yeah, I'm late. CPT an' all dat.


    Go take your disgusted, feckless behind someplace else then. No one will miss you. Be sure of that.