June 30, 2010

What friends are for (aka Dear God HELP ME!!!)

I was in Union Square today, and I actually walked into the movie theatre to pay money to see . . .

Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

Yes, the one with Edward Cullen the Sparkly Vampire. Yes, the one with Bella the Emo. Yes, the one where Jacob the Washboard Werewolf will eventually (in Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn) fall in love with a baby.

If you are any kind of friend of mine, you care about me even a little bit - I am clearly insane and need serious help. I must not be allowed to enter a cineplex unsupervised. Please, please, please don't let me pay money to see this movie. You have my permission to use bribes ("I'll get you one of those huge subway posters of the White Queen if you see The Last Airbender instead!"), deception (You can even go, "Hey, let's watch it together!" then get 2 tickets for something else), threats (such as, "If you take that card out to get a ticket to that shit, I'm revoking your womanist card!"), and physical restraint. But whatever you do - DO NOT ALLOW ME TO PAY TO SEE THIS MOVIE.





  1. Step away from that ticket booth, and look at this shiny object. Watch the shiny object sway back and forth. Keep your eyes on its shiny goodness as you put yourself in a little nightclub where Tracie Thoms is on the stage. She's singing and it's wonderful, she's singing and you no longer want to have anything to do with glittery vampires.

  2. Anything but The Last Airbender, surely?!