From now on, I will no longer publicly engage in discussions about race. I've been burnt too many times, and this week has been too damn much in this regard. I'll post to informative links, and I'll be available to talk via e-mail or 1-on-1 via Google Chat, but that's it. After nearly 3 decades of dealing with the same old shit, I've had it. I can't do it anymore and remain functional.
It's taken me a lifetime to start to build up my self-esteem and confidence - work I had to do as a direct result of the careless cluelessness of well-meaning White people. It's a lot bigger than this latest blow-up, something that many people, including people who agree with me, don't understand. Partly because I haven't told them, and partly because thinking about just how deep and vast the problem is . . . is really fucking depressing.
It gets to me, and it's still getting to me right now. The only way it won't get to me is if I stopped caring. I'd be less vulnerable, but my writing will be less true. And I refuse to do give that up for the off chance that somebody's finally going to get it. If something I said got through to you, I'm happy for you. Yet, while it's heartening to believe that I've made a difference in someone's life, I cannot live for other people.
"Well, duh!" some would say. But it's not so straight-forward as all that, especially when it comes to Black people (particularly Black women) talking about race with most White people who walk the middle road between outright bigotry and solidarity with people of color. To a certain degree, I blame Hollywood. But that shit doesn't come from nowhere, and it's related to a very fucked up pattern - one that I personally no longer have the fortitude to deal with while attending to more important and immediate things in my life right now.
So, this is going to be it for a good long while.