Yes, we exist - LGBTQ POCs

Seriously, you'd think that'd be freaking obvious. But apparently it isn't. Where the hell do people think disco music came from?

The world must be made safe for new plays!!!

"Softening the Ground for New Work" at 2am Theatre (H/t to cgeye). A snippet:

What could we be doing, right now, BEFORE we have a new work project to present, to help accli­mate our exist­ing audi­ence to the risks and rewards of new work in gen­eral? How can we be using our reg­u­lar com­mu­ni­ca­tions with our audi­ence to pique their curios­ity what’s going on nation­ally and locally in the arena of new work?

Why am I not surprised?

When it comes to getting away with shit, it helps to use the oldest one in the book: Blame a Black guy. It doesn't have to be a specific Black guy - you can even make him up to commit a crime that never happened!

Scott Walters is running outta Theatre Ideas!

Food for thought from Theatre Ideas (Rerun: On Possiblity):

What is your possibility? What is the crossroads where you find yourself at this stage of your life or work in the project around which we are assembled? What declaration of possibility can you make that has the power to transform the community and inspire you?

How NOT to engage in a conversation about racism (or any other -ism or -phobia)

Just read the comments for this post. It all goes downhill from about here.

Home training in minority spaces

"A Deeper Look at Minority Spaces" at Official Shrub.com:

The role of a privileged person in a minority discussion is not one that is easy to define. The reason I emphasise the “listening instead of talking” and not trying to always compare a privileged situation to that of a minority problem in my list is because, more often than not, talking instead of listening and bringing up how an issue does/does not affect their group are methods used by privileged people that, by their nature, shut down discussion.

At Love|Peace|Ohana:

"What Kind of Friend Are You?"

“who wins?” That’s your problem right there. This isn’t about winning or losing. This is about you having said something that offends/hurts someone else, and whether you’re going to continue offending/hurting them by arguing about the offense, or whether you’re going to apologise and attempt to make amends. In short, whether you’re going to be hostile or friendly.

"Ground Rules for Discussion"

*Listen actively.* This means more than just waiting for your turn to speak; it means asking for clarification, offering constructive feedback, and validating what someone has said. It also means reading the post and commenting on the actual content, instead of skimming and filling in the rest with what you think was said.

Dialogue vs. Debate

"Race Relations 101 - What if I screw up?"

When that happens in a minority space or in the context of a difficult conversation, take a step back: ask yourself whether you’re feeling attacked because of the conversation (“White people have white privilege, and as a white person, you do too.”), or because of a specific incident (“You’re an asshole.”). If it’s the latter, take it like you would any other confrontation; deal with the person and the situation, and don’t let it color your perceptions of other people in their identity class, or discussions of that type.
If it’s the former, keep talking. Specific thoughts on how to deal with topics that come up will have to wait for later, I’m afraid… but the important part is to recognize that you personally are not being attacked, which brings us to…

 "For everyone who wants to 'learn' something about racism":
You say you want to be educated, to listen, to learn. My question is:

what are you bringing to the table in return?

Do you expect for folks to dredge up their memories and experience and lay them out like a banquet where you eat, then burp and possibly don't say anything beyond 'thank you, that was nice. What's for dessert?'

Do you leave the table, digesting what you've heard, then go out in the world and try to make change?

Hint: crying and feeling bad really don't cut it, IMO. I'm liable to hand you some tissues and that's about it.

It's the small stuff - racial microaggressions

Notes on racial microaggression

"Racial Microaggressions in Everyday Life"

On New Orleans--It's Just Me:

Post responding to "Racial Microaggressions in Everyday Life"

Aside from the issue of how white people feel they can give authoritative answers regarding the existence of discrimination, a minority who alleges discrimination has to bear the burden of proof to be believed, yet frustrated white people are often let off the hook with maybe an anecdote and data that's usually more perception ("Mexicans are moving in all around here") than fact ("Three Latino families moved into 3 houses in a1000-home subdivision - and 2 of those 3 families are actually the American born descendants of mid-century Puerto Rican immigrants").

Anti-racism vs. human relations

Over at Restructure!:

"Anti-racism is not human relations programming"
White people’s conflation of antiracism with human relations programming explains why liberal/left-wing white people admire white people who speak about racism against people of colour, yet disapprove of people of colour who speak about racism against people of colour. A white person who speaks out against racism is seen by whites as placating people of colour and telling people of colour what they want to hear. If the goal is to prevent the “race war” scenario, then human relations programming works towards that goal, and a white antiracist symbolizes peace. However, a person of colour who speaks out against racism is seen by whites as antithetical to the human-relations-programming interpretation of antiracism, since this person of colour may incite other people of colour to riot and ignite the “race war” itself. Hence, white people generally perceive the person of colour who brings up racism as being “racist” and as a symbol of disharmony.


At EdChange.org:

"So You Think You're an Anti-Racist?"
The Base Shift: Human relations programming --> Social justice activism

Food fairs, multicultural nights, and diversity festivals are fun events that may bring people together temporarily. But do they contribute to eliminating racism? The most anti-racist shift for white people is to understand that confronting racism is going to be uncomfortable, difficult, emotional, and painful. So why do we put so many resources into human relations programming? Who might we be trying to protect?
 
Stuff White People Do: dismiss those who point out racism for being "white guilt" mongers
"White guilt." Please help me with this -- what is up with that term, anyway? And why does the phrase so often come from opponents of anti-racist efforts? What feelings are they expressing when they say that? And why is it a phrase I almost never hear from people who oppose racism? If you get accused of being a white-guilt pusher, how do you respond?

How to show yourself as a true ally (aka having discussions about race that don't turn to shit)

Over at Womanist Musings (with quotes):

"Too Hard on the White Folk"

There has never been a day that WOC have not had to fight for recognition of our worth and our humanity.  When we speak out against the exploitation, marginalization, and oppression that we face, we are called angry and summarily silenced.  No matter how many polemic blog posts I author regarding the systemic inequality in which we live, the hierarchy of beings will not change unless those who exist with undeserved privilege make a commitment to change.  To be silent is to accept that I deserve to be understood as a second class citizen.  My value shall not be determined by others so that they can benefit from my debasement based in race and gender; it shall be decided by me because I am an autonomous being who is worthy of being counted.  If you cannot accept a WOC who speaks her truth, then this blog is not for you.  I shall not be silenced in the space that I have constructed.

 "Pearl Clutchers and Straw Women"

The ironic part about this is, that this post isn't even angry.  I simply cannot be bothered to sugar coat my words to allow you to feel comfortable.  The entire world caters to you pearl clutchers ,and I for one need a break from the bullshit. Don't upset the fragile white woman, the mother of the great race.  God forbid there should be a tarnished spot on your pedestal.  Here let me spit shine that shit for ya.

 "What Is and Isn't Racist"

When we enter the spaces of those that we know to be socially marginalized the basic minimum requirement is that oppressor take the time to learn some basic 101 knowledge before engaging.  If POC continually have to educate whiteness on the ways in which they oppress it stops us from dealing with larger issues that need to be addressed.  The fact that someone even feels that they are fit to comment in these spaces and declare in opposition of the lived experience of a person of color is an expression of,….say it with me now, P-R-I-V-I-L-G-E.  I don’t need to hear your opinion, it will never contradict my 30+ years of dealing with racism.  I am not going to do the work for you and present stats, or papers because they are easy enough to find if you have the smallest amount of commitment.  I am going to tell you repeatedly every single time you invade my space with your ignorance to get your 101 on.  If I must spend my life learning how to protect myself against racism, the least that you can do is take the time to learn the basics.

"On apologies, ignorances, and condemnations"

Too often an apology is cynically used as a tool to silence marginalised people - you say sorry and that's supposed to be the end of it right? Never mind that there is still a complete lack of understanding. Never mind the lack of sincerity. Never mind the total indifference. Never mind the repeat occasions. never mind the hurt, the offence, the pain that has been caused. Never mind what this says about broader culture, society and the experience of marginalised people. Someone said sorry. We can end that discussion on racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/etc and move onto something the privileged person cares about. I mean, they said 'sorry' right? Oh my gods, what more do you marginalised folk want? It's like you want something to be about you for 5 minutes!

"You cannot attribute nonsense to god"

It is  NONSENSE to believe that a god is both perfect and jealous or merciful and wrathful. It is NONSENSE to believe a loving god would condemn people to an eternity of torture because of their sex life. It is NONSENSE to believe a benevolent being would want you to oppress or abuse people for ANY reason. It is NONSENSE to believe a compassionate god would want you to insult and attack people. It is NONSENSE to believe a perfect god would be so insecure as to advocate violence against those who do not follow him or who worship him in an incorrect fashion.

Over at The Angry Black Woman blog:


"The Privilege of Politeness"

I’ve noticed that when discussions of racism happen online the posts that go up in the aftermath, even some of the ones that address and acknowledge the issues of racism in the incident still say “They didn’t have to be rude about it. There was no call for it.” or “If they had just been more polite the person would have listened.” or some other variation (they of course referring to POC). What these people fail to understand is that if you’ve said something racist and fucked up you’ve already been rude to me. You’ve already offended me and ignorance is no excuse because you are a grown person, you can read, you can research, you can figure out how to treat people with respect and equality.

"We Have Feelings Too or The Cost of Being a POC in Race Discussions"

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Now this might shock and/or offend some people, but I have to say that today is not a day when I give a fuck. Because when POC have teaching moments? It costs us. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. It’s a sacrifice that we choose to make in an effort to improve things. It’s a moment (or more) out of our lives that we knowingly open ourselves up to things that any sane person would want to avoid under normal circumstances. Because there is no other option.

 "The Dos and Don'ts of Being a Good Ally"

"Things You Need to Understand"

Reflections and resolve

From now on, I will no longer publicly engage in discussions about race. I've been burnt too many times, and this week has been too damn much in this regard. I'll post to informative links, and I'll be available to talk via e-mail or 1-on-1 via Google Chat, but that's it. After nearly 3 decades of dealing with the same old shit, I've had it. I can't do it anymore and remain functional.

It's taken me a lifetime to start to build up my self-esteem and confidence - work I had to do as a direct result of the careless cluelessness of well-meaning White people. It's a lot bigger than this latest blow-up, something that many people, including people who agree with me, don't understand. Partly because I haven't told them, and partly because thinking about just how deep and vast the problem is . . . is really fucking depressing.

It gets to me, and it's still getting to me right now. The only way it won't get to me is if I stopped caring. I'd be less vulnerable, but my writing will be less true. And I refuse to do give that up for the off chance that somebody's finally going to get it. If something I said got through to you, I'm happy for you. Yet, while it's heartening to believe that I've made a difference in someone's life, I cannot live for other people.

"Well, duh!" some would say. But it's not so straight-forward as all that, especially when it comes to Black people (particularly Black women) talking about race with most White people who walk the middle road between outright bigotry and solidarity with people of color. To a certain degree, I blame Hollywood. But that shit doesn't come from nowhere, and it's related to a very fucked up pattern - one that I personally no longer have the fortitude to deal with while attending to more important and immediate things in my life right now.

So, this is going to be it for a good long while.

Sorta forgot this one

I should've linked to this before bringing up the R-word.

Great read about the power of Intent (capitalized on purpose)

Who said there's no such thing as magic?

Done - I'm done

After this and this and this and this - I'm done with this shit. It's not worth it - especially if this is the most thoughtful response I encounter.

I've all but bashed my head against a wall to get you to understand that part of the problem in this entire "discussion" has been the fact that you're treating me and my LIFE as a diversion to play with and not something real. You can't do it to save your goddamn life. Don't believe me? Try this:

1. How many of you in the theatre blogosphere contacted me to see if I was OK after being exposed to some hate-mongering vitrol?
2. How many of you in the theatre blogosphere asked me questions to better understand my experience of racism in the theatre community instead of, you know, doing what you always do and ignoring my humanity?
3. How many of you have actually considered for a split microsecond that talking about this shit is hard enough to talk about as a person sharing a painful experience without experiencing further hurt by people doing the same shit that caused that pain in the first place?
4. How many of you have attempted to imagine how bad racism must be if I'd rather open myself up to this shit by posting it on the internet instead of keeping it to myself because that's even worse?
5. How many of you have noted the irony of this entire "discussion" - of talking about the idea of diversity in theatre and undoing the effects of institutional racism - while at the same time ignoring the personhood of a woman of color to make room for that discussion (you know, the very dynamic that Black people in America face every day)?

In case you were wondering: 0.

This is the most frustrating thing about dealing with Nice White People. They know the rhetoric, they know the jargon, and they can list sources like nobody's business. But when faced with a real person in a real situation, it's the same steaming pile of shit all over again.

Yet I keep trying, even though it hurts me every time I do it.

Something must be seriously fucking wrong with me.

What SHOULD happen

From Devilvet:

Everytime a minorty voice speaks a story, I wish more 'white' ears would listen. Forget rebuttal, just listen. 

 Thank. You.

Preach on, brutha!

Elon James delivers some Black Truths:



Power to the people!!!

Voices from the grave

I sacrificed an unbaptized male infant to so I could talk to August Wilson. Apparently, Mr. Wilson isn't too keen on that kind of thing, so while I held his soul prisoner, he only told me to read The Ground on Which I Stand. So I did, and you should too. Here are a few nuggets (bold = "Hell, yes!" and "Fuck, yeah!"). 

In one guise, the ground I stand on has been pioneered by the Greek dramatists—by Euripides, Aeschylus and Sophocles—by William Shakespeare, by Shaw and Ibsen, and by the American dramatists Eugene O’Neill, Arthur Miller and Tennessee Williams. In another guise, the ground that I stand on has been pioneered by my grandfather, by Nat Turner, by Denmark Vesey, by Martin Delaney, Marcus Garvey and the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. That is the ground of the affirmation of the value of one being, an affirmation of his worth in the face of society’s urgent and sometimes profound denial.
[..........]
[...] it is difficult to disassociate my concerns with theatre from the concerns of my life as a black man, and it is difficult to disassociate one part of my life from another.[...]The need to alter our relationship to the society and to alter the shared expectations of ourselves as a racial group, I find of greater urgency now than it was then.
[..........]
[...] black theatre in America is alive … it is vibrant … it is vital … it just isn’t funded. Black theatre doesn’t share in the economics that would allow it to support its artists and supply them with meaningful avenues to develop their talent and broadcast and disseminate ideas crucial to its growth. The economics are reserved as privilege to the overwhelming abundance of institutions that preserve, promote and perpetuate white culture.

That is not a complaint. That is an advertisement.
[..........]
There are and have always been two distinct and parallel traditions in black art: that is, art that is conceived and design to entertain white society, and art that feeds the spirit and celebrates the life of black American by designing its strategies for survival and prosperity.
[..........]
This second tradition occurred when the African in the confines of the slave quarters sought to invest his spirit with the strength of his ancestors by conceiving in his art, in his song and dance, a world in which he was the spiritual center and his existence was a manifest act of the creator from whom life flowed. He then could create art that was functional and furnished him with a spiritual temperament necessary for his survival as property and the dehumanizing status that was attendant to that.

I stand myself and my art squarely on the self-defining ground of the slave quarters, and find the ground to be hallowed and made fertile by the blood and bones of the men and woman who can be described as warriors on the cultural battlefield that affirmed their self-worth. As there is no idea that cannot be contained by black life, these men and women found themselves to be sufficient and secure in their art and their instruction.
[..........]
We cannot share a single value system if that value system consists of the values of white Americans based on their European ancestors. We reject that as Cultural Imperialism. We need a value system that includes our contributions as Africans in America. Our agendas are a valid as yours. We may disagree, we may forever be on opposite sides of aesthetics, but we can only share a value system that is inclusive of all Americans and recognizes their unique and valuable contributions.
[..........]
It is inconceivable to them that life could be lived and enriched without knowing Shakespeare or Mozart. Their gods, their manners, their being, are the only true and correct representations of humankind. They refuse to recognize black conduct and manners as part of a system that is fueled by its own philosophy, mythology, history, creative motif, social organization and ethos. The ideas that blacks have their own way of responding to the world, their own values, style, linguistics, religion and aesthetics, is unacceptable to them.
[..........]
We are not ashamed, and do not need you to be ashamed for us. Nor do we need the recognition of our blackness to be couched in abstract phases like “artist of color.” Who are you talking about? A Japanese artist? An Eskimo? A Filipino? A Mexican? A Cambodian? A Nigerian? An African American? Are we to suppose that if you put a white person on one side of the scale and the rest of humanity lumped together as nondescript “people of color” on the other side, that it would balance out? That whites carry that much spiritual weight? We reject that. We are unique, and we are specific.
[..........]
So much of what makes this country rich in art and all manners of spiritual life is the contributions that we as African Americans have made. We cannot allow others to have authority over our cultural and spiritual products. We reject, without reservation, any attempts by anyone to rewrite our history so to deny us the rewards of our spiritual labors, and to become the culture custodians of our art, our literature and our lives. To give expression to the spirit that has been shaped and fashioned by our history is of necessity to give voice and vent to the history itself.
[..........]
From the hull of a ship to self-determining, self-respecting people. That is the journey we are making.

We are robust in spirit, we are bright with laughter, and we are bold in imagination. Our blood is soaked into the soil and our bones lie scattered the whole way across the Atlantic Ocean, as Hansel’s crumbs, to mark the way back home.
[..........]
The true critic does not sit in judgment. Rather he seeks to inform his reader, instead of adopting a posture of self-conscious importance in which he sees himself a judge and final arbiter of a work’s importance or value.
[..........]
I believe in the American theatre. I believe in its power to inform about the human condition, its power to heal, its power to hold the mirror as ’twere up to nature, its power to uncover the truths we wrestle from uncertain and sometimes unyielding realities. All of art is a search for ways of being, of living life more fully. We who are capable of those noble pursuits should challenge the melancholy and barbaric, to bring the light of angelic grace, peace, prosperity and the unencumbered pursuit of happiness to the ground on which we all stand.

After that, I ate the baby and went to a movie.

My monarch of choice in www@nderland

In case you didn't know, I'm a real fantasy movie buff. I love alternative worlds. So naturally I'm jazzed up to see Burton's rendition of Alice in Wonderland (my God, anything but that damn Disney movie!). I hope he doesn't mar it with Daddy issues this time around (see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), but I'm willing to deal with it since the title character of my new piece is in it.

Anyway, the English major in me is fascinated by the dynamics of the internal lives of women, as well as how they connects with Black women's experiences. I thought to myself, "If I found myself in Wonderland, whose court would I choose? The White Queen - or the Red Queen*?"

You'd think the answer is simple enough. The White Queen is "good," right? She's beautiful, kind and loves animals. What's not to like?

The Red Queen - oh, boy, what is there to like? Harsh, autocratic, and sadistic, her favorite past-time is beheading people and barking orders. 

Yet, if I look at my own life and what I've gone through, it's that Fury of a monarch who'd get my allegiance. The White Queen might be nice to me, but the Red Queen understands.

* There is some confusion about this character because so many adaptations combine her character with that of the Queen of Hearts, but for the sake of this blog entry, I'm going with that.

White theatre blogsphere keeps getting it wrong.

Maybe White theatre blogosphere (with the exception of Scott and Isaac), really just doesn't get it.

Despite that this leg of the conversation started as a personal attack against me (which I refuse to respond to), only 3 people, Isaac, Scott, 99, have even so much as acknowledged that I am a real person with real feelings that can be hurt. Everyone else wants to talk about "the dialogue" (which usually means a handful of White people talking to each other and talking at people of color). It pretty much goes like, "Yeah, it's pretty shitty what Garvey said to RVCBard, but whatever - it's more important that we discuss the discussion!"

This is exactly what I talked about only 3 days ago:

My friends of color are skeptical of those of us who are white and talk about change and diversity. We have made mistakes over the years: have promised action and stayed with discussion. We have atched our own backs first and those of our colleagues or friends of color only after we have made sure we have gotten what we needed. Many of us have come to the table with the paternalistic idea of "helping the oppressed," of bringing our beneficence to the struggling masses of common folks. We have done this n the polite guise of community change, of foundation aid, of board membership, and we have done it imagining that we are bestowing great good on those incapable of getting it for themselves. We have come with condescension, false promise, and little follow-through. We have come with limited time to work things out, to disagree, or to argue. Rather, we often comei n a hurry to bestow and get out, go home, head back to our own neighborhoods.

With this discussion, it's the same thing all over again. Do you recognize any of this?

Indeed, the most consistent failure of White theatre artists throughout this and similar discussions has been their insistence upon talking. Talking to, talking about, even talking over. There's a lot of worry and lamentation and righteous anger going around, but it all seems to be so much pissing in the wind because I rarely see - at least on the theatre blogosphere - any real engagement with the very people affected most by the state of things - theatre artists of color. I see a one-off post every now and then, expressing the appropriate amount of progressive ideas, but no real effort to connect with us. What, are we not important enough? Too small potatoes? Our work lacking artistic sophistication? For real, I've been more or less begging for some of you to listen to me, to respond to me, to engage with me. I don't even need all the fingers on one hand to count the number of people who have done so, whether online or in real life. Seriously, what am I to make of all this talk and invisible back-patting when the closest examples in my own life all too often illustrate the very points they're making?

Do you really not see how completely fucked up this whole conversation is?

For once, it would be nice to have discussions about race to stop approaching racism as though we're talking about Those Other White People. Some of the stuff I'm reading is doing the exact same thing I talked about nearly a year ago. I'm not talking about a random jerk I don't know who decided to go out of his way to talk shit about me on the internet. I'm talking about the very people reading, writing, and responding. I'm probably talking about you.

And you don't (or won't) see it. I can talk about motivations as to why, but trust me in that what I come up with does not make you come out looking squeaky clean. In a way, it's more painful a realization to me than the actual words and actions (or lack thereof) themselves.

Need a murder mint?

Fresh Mint Media's putting on a stage play contest for murder mysteries. Check out rules and more info at Fresh Mint's website.

Is theatre blogosphere finally starting to speak truth to power?

It's about time. 99 Seats kicks it off:

[...] we have a problem in our theatres and we kind of dance around it. That's what's been frustrating about this last flowering of discussion and some other similar things lately. There's an invisible elephant in the room and no one wants to call it what it is. We each grab a part of it, like the old fable goes, and think we have have a tree, a snake, a wall, but we don't put it together and call it what it is.

I wish I could say that this fills me with hope. It doesn't. Not the least because I've seen this song and dance before. I'm not picking on J. Holtham here - simply not hiding what I've learned to expect.

Sound familiar?

I was in the Penn Station Borders this afternoon. While I was hitting up the race and racism books (a strangely thin selection, considering the month), I came across A White Teacher Talks about Race by Julie Landsman. Let me share a selection of quotations in light of what I've been talking about lately. I bet you'll notice that some of this sounds awfully familiar.

I'm really tired of playing "Is it or isn't it racist?" Anyone who's passed Racism 101 with at least a C- knows that racism infests theatre just as it does every other industry. Rather than set up this post as a challenge against which White theatre artists and organizations must defend themselves against (which I find incredibly boring), I'm more interested in bringing the issue closer to home - to you and what you do right here, right now. Not in some abstract and nebulous realm called Diversity.

Now for the quotes . . .

1. Paradoxically, it is often not in appealig to universals or abstract principles that change happens. Rather, change comes about in smaller contexts [...]
2. I believe that white people too often want solutions to be quick and easy. They want something they can follow and in a few months, a few years at the most, the problem will be solved. At the same time, I believe people of color have known it will not happen this way. It will happen over decades, as our hearts change, our laws change, our responses soften, our minds open. [...] It will happen when we have lived with each other side by side, when we have heard each other's stories [...] It will happen when compassion and politics are not longer considered opposites.
3. I can seek out those in the communities where my students live [...] I can begin to form alliances.
4. [...] when students are hungry or their boyfriends are after them, it is expedient to meet these students right where they are, this morning, this afternoon. And to meet students right where hey are must involve an understanding of the racial history they have lived, as well as understanding our own racial history. It involves moving fast, to get a shelter bed, a college application, or even teh right poem, the right story to read aloud to them.
5. Right now I want to work with adults who want what I want: the greatest possibilities for young people. I will join parents, sudents, and teachers, both of color and white, to resist classrooms that are boring and that only provide European curricula [...]
6. My friends of color are skeptical of those of us who are white and talk about change and diversity. We have made mistakes over the years: have promised action and stayed with discussion. We have atched our own backs first and those of our colleagues or friends of color only after we have made sure we have gotten what we needed. Many of us have come to the table with the paternalistic idea of "helping the oppressed," of bringing our beneficence to the struggling masses of common folks. We have done this n the polite guise of community change, of foundation aid, of board membership, and we have done it imagining that we are bestowing great good on those incapable of getting it for themselves. We have come with condescension, false promise, and little follow-through. We have come with limited time to work things out, to disagree, or to argue. Rather, we often comei n a hurry to bestow and get out, go home, head back to our own neighborhoods.

Indeed, the most consistent failure of White theatre artists throughout this and similar discussions has been their insistence upon talking. Talking to, talking about, even talking over. There's a lot of worry and lamentation and righteous anger going around, but it all seems to be so much pissing in the wind because I rarely see - at least on the theatre blogosphere - any real engagement with the very people affected most by the state of things - theatre artists of color. I see a one-off post every now and then, expressing the appropriate amount of progressive ideas, but no real effort to connect with us. What, are we not important enough? Too small potatoes? Our work lacking artistic sophistication? For real, I've been more or less begging for some of you to listen to me, to respond to me, to engage with me. I don't even need all the fingers on one hand to count the number of people who have done so, whether online or in real life. Seriously, what am I to make of all this talk and invisible back-patting when the closest examples in my own life all too often illustrate the very points they're making?

And you wonder why we don't believe you.

If I haven't made things absolutely clear, no one is on trial. This is not a cross-examination. Nobody's casting anyone as heroes and villains. In fact, it's just the opposite - I want you to be better Good Guys. To do that takes going beyond earning a little bit of good karma here and there. It takes creating a new way of seeing and existing in the world - and that's not a comfortable place to be in.

Even me. At some point in the future, I'm going to address how a lifetime of living in a White supremacist society has really affected me in virtually every aspect of my life. Later, though. How much later depends on how vulnerable I feel like being. Writing Anne&Me has opened me up to things I'm still wrestling with right now. Between dealing with that and exploring this other thing, I'm not sure if I'm up to putting that on display (which, for reasons I've discussed before, is really fucking shitty).

What I'm calling for is self-examination. Yes, it can make you uncomfortable if you recognize yourself in some of the things being said here. Yes, this particular line of inquiry is difficult for most White people since what they're taught about diversity and inclusiveness is woefully inadequate for practicing it. I'm not so much interrogating you as I am giving you a more honest way to reflect on yourself and what you're doing, using the best real-life example I have: my own experience. If you're satisfied with where you are, if you believe the point of this is to prove how you "colorblind" you are, to proclaim how you don't have a racist bone in your body, you're reading this wrong.

That's not to say your thoughts and feelings aren't important. It's OK to be shocked, confused, sad, angry, hurt, and everything else. But making your shock, confusion, sadness, anger, and hurt the center of this (and every other) conversation about race - is a good way to fuck up.

I probably made a mistake posting this. But it's more tiresome bottling it all up and letting it eat me from the inside - which is exactly what's been happening when I began writing Anne&Me.

Sooooo not a hipster

THANK GOD!

Unhip
You're not trying to be hip and you don't give a shit what hipsters think about you.
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