Love's Labors Lost: Introverts Anonymous

September 18, 2008

Introverts Anonymous

This is something I should probably have tattooed on my forehead: INTROVERT.

I mentioned this before, but few actually picked up on it. Basically, I recharge energy by being alone with my thoughts and expend energy being around other people. Even around nice people. Even around people I like. Even around the people who are most precious to me.

For a long time, though, it's been a struggle since I have absolutely no desire to be an extrovert. I enjoy my rich inner life. I love living in my own little world. In fact, that's what playwriting is for me: giving people a piece of one of those many worlds I inhabit on a day-to-day basis. I'm privately and frequently grateful for the secret gift of being able to experience the sacredness of the most trivial things: sunlight streaking through clouds, smell of rain, the caress of a breeze, trees applauding and pretending they sit by the sea, flourescent green flight of a lunar moth, winking headlights of a passing car, twin rainbows against a slate gray sky, brilliant corona of a full moon on a cloudless night, strands of cool grass tickling my feet, stars talking in a language like tapping on crystal, darkness and silence within the womb of the universe, the decomposition of dead things, the transformation from seed to flower.

But when I'm around people - at least, when I'm fully present around people - I can't sense those things. Some sort of distortion happens, like a cell phone on an airplane during take-off. I can't get my bearings, can't tell North from South, sea from sky, self from mask. And the real me, the me that's supposedly behind this, sort of just tailspins.

It's at these moments when I sometimes experience extrovert envy. I guess the moon feels the same of the sun at times. Then she remembers the beauty and mystery and power of night, of darkness, of silence. Then doesn't mind the new moon phase where she isn't seen.

4 comments:

Jim Habegger2/15/2009 11:02 PM
"In fact, that's what playwriting is for me: giving people a piece of one of those many worlds I inhabit on a day-to-day basis."

That's a big clue for me! Thanks!
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Jim Habegger2/15/2009 11:11 PM
"I'm privately and frequently grateful for the secret gift of being able to experience the sacredness of the most trivial things: sunlight streaking through clouds, smell of rain, the caress of a breeze, trees applauding and pretending they sit by the sea, flourescent green flight of a lunar moth, winking headlights of a passing car, twin rainbows against a slate gray sky, brilliant corona of a full moon on a cloudless night, strands of cool grass tickling my feet, stars talking in a language like tapping on crystal, darkness and silence within the womb of the universe, the decomposition of dead things, the transformation from seed to flower."

I have some ideas about how to do that with the human part of nature. I mean, experiencing the sacredness of everyday experiences with people and what they make and do. I've practiced a little, with some promising results. So have you, I see.
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RVCBard2/16/2009 12:53 AM
That's a big clue for me! Thanks!

In what sense?
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Jim Habegger2/17/2009 8:38 PM
Well, it just helps a lot to explain what you're trying to do.
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Words, Words, Words

. . . a lot of it [fostering rather than smothering students' playwriting] has to do with finding a way to construct a dialogue about ongoing work that empowers the writer. A lot of it has to do with making sure there's a diversity of voices around you. A lot of it has to do with thinking of the writing program as a brain trust for writers, not as some infantilization in which the dramaturg gets the power. And basically trying to find a place where everyone's aesthetic in the room grows larger rather than smaller. There are many ways to do that. It's really not a hard thing to do.
--Paula Vogel, interview with Ann Linden in The Playwright's Muse

Here is what seems to me an elementary truth that must precede any other: namely, that the theater, an independent and autonomous art, must, in order to revive or simply to live, realize what differentiates it from text, pure speech, literature, and all other fixed and written means.
--Antonin Artaud, letter, 9/15/1931

I can take any empty space and call it a bare stage. A man walks across this empty space whilst someone else is watching him, and this is all I need for an act of theatre to be engaged.
--Peter Brook, The Empty Space

My work is characterized by one thing above all --- invention. In theatre we imagine the world, we do not record it, we are not documentary makers. I hold all social realism and journalistic theatre in contempt. It is a sordid habit. And the social realists have the impertinence to pretend they are 'telling the truth…'
--Howard Barker, interview

Women and writers of color are still seen as threats because, in essence, when a woman or writer of color is defining a play world, there's another definition of what our society is, and that's very threatening.
--Paula Vogel, interview with Ann Linden in The Playwright's Muse

Through this experience [working on " . . . and last week it was a mountain"] I learned the importance of the life and the dynamics under the words, and began to see the power of working from the silent space within - the emotions, the images, the experience and the feelings - rather than relying on the words.
--Sande Shurin, Transformational Acting: A Step Beyond

How does it happen that . . . the Occidental theater does not see theater under any other aspect than as a theater of dialogue?
--Antonin Artaud, Theater and Its Double

All conventions are imaginable, but they depend on the absence of rigid forms.
--Peter Brook, The Open Door

I never 'say' anything in my work. I invent a world. Let others decide what is being 'said'. Nor do I claim to tell the truth or enlighten people. We are suffocated by writers who want to enlighten us with their truths. For me, the theatre is beautiful because it is a secret, and secrets seduce us, we all want to share secrets. That is also its politics, if it has any politics at all. And modern democracies hate secrets, they want everything transparent. Obviously the critics collaborate in this desire to expose everything to the light of day, they are the police force, after all.
--Howard Barker, interview

I think that form is content . . . I've always been more interested . . . in the formal devices and the structure rather than in the subject matter . . . I really am a follower of Viktor Shklovsky, who said that in some ways the subject matter doesn't even matter. It's whether or not we see the subject matter anew that matters.
--Paula Vogel, interview with Ann Linden in The Playwright's Muse

I am well aware that the language of gestures and postures, dance and music, is less capable of analyzing a character, revealing a man's thoughts, or elucidating states of consciousness clearly and precisely, than is verbal language, but who ever said the theater was created to analyze a character, to resolve conflicts of love and duty, to wrestle with all the problems of a typical and psychological nature that monopolize our contemporary stage?
--Antonin Artaud, Theater and Its Double

The mediocre artist prefers not to take risks, which is why he is conventional.
--Peter Brook, The Open Door

"Transcendence became my life theme. I wanted to be lifted beyond everyday circumstances and everyday reality."
--Sande Shurin, Transformational Acting: A Step Beyond

I actually think of writing for the stage as not writing . . . It's about structuring, about gaps between the language that are really filled in by the collaborators and the process. It's all about indirection rather than a direct statement . . . It's like a three-dimensional chess game in a way. If I say this, will the director go in this direction? If I say this, will the actor respond? And one of the delights of the process is actually not having your intention fulfilled, but finding out at times that other people's interpretation or intention is actually more interesting than you originally thought of.
--Paula Vogel, interview with Ann Linden in The Playwright's Muse

The person who has an idea of what this language is will be able to understand us. We write only for him. --Antonin Artaud, letter, 9/28/1932